(un)welcome

Whoosh… Crash…

The sea breeze gently caresses his ear, whispering to him. It’s cool, it’s refreshing, though his body is anything but. He breathes, the waves draw back, and once he exhales, it crashes onto him as he sags into pale sand.

The whispering grows louder, like pressure blowing through the gaps of rock formations. A weight moves across his chest. The comfort is immediate; he wants it to melt against him.

“Ehehe~”

Iridescent scales drag along the length of his bare legs. Squelch, squelch, click, click. The slimy texture makes him shiver, grinding up against him.

A stray hair on the siren’s head bounces as he cocks his head, laying on top of him. “The sound is ‘erotic,’ isn’t it?”

He’s kissing him, the next he knows. He swallows the saltiness that coats the entirety of his mouth, holding him tighter and tighter, lapping up the taste of the ocean on his tongue.

“Mm… Hey, Shu?” The siren pleads breathlessly against his lips.

He knows. He needs not lull him. The wet scales and his lovely moans are enough to enrapture him already, but he allows him to sing the rest of his song.

“Won’t you ‘have’ me~?”

Then he drowns, sinking into hot, slick flesh. The ocean has consumed him. The sand buries and boils them in its grit. It’s suffocating. He’s lip-locked with his lover, drinking him as if air. Their descent below starts achingly slow, but their momentum grows fast, propelling them deeper and deeper until resistance feels like air.

Shu jolts up, returning to the surface. The light is still on, and the three beds around him are empty as usual. Next to the table by the chairs in the room, a suitcase lays on its back, unzipped and partially filled.

He looks at his feet, not even under his covers.

Right. He breathes. He had fallen asleep after a quick break while preparing for his trip back to France.

The remnants of his dream fades with each squinty blink, but he remembers the sensations that enveloped him. It lingers. He’s aware of how his blood stirs down below, and he knows if he leaves it to be, it will return to its normal state.

Yet, it’s tempting—the way the ache throbs. 

His hand touches his waistband, retracting before he looks around once more. His heartbeat thumps at a steady pace, fluttering when he rests his palm against the front of his pants.

He could wait for the desire to wilt…

The cloth hugs him when he drags upwards towards his stomach. A breath, a fluttery feeling when his fingers rake over his shirt, and another exhale. He could agonize over the mild discomfort of his trousers, deriving a sense of satisfaction elsewhere like being productive and sewing or resuming his packing.

Or he could get it over with as a form of self-maintenance, so to speak. It would only need to be quick, nothing extravagant. He closes his eyes, palming himself.

Yes, something… something quick.

…Is what he thinks, and yet his hand lingers against cloth for far longer than he intends, brushing the grown silhouette until he unbuttons his pants and nudges his underwear down with a thumb.

His gaze trails to the tissue box on the desk nearby, finally taking himself in hand. He doesn’t need them quite yet, though he is glad they are within an arm’s reach.

He looks back down, giving himself a loose pump and exhales at the firing of nerves; it bears a moment to acknowledge on its own. Hand pulling his foreskin downward, he lets the feeling stew, lets the achy throb bounce against his hands, and then releases.

The absence of pressure makes him grunt, swallowing the sight of him twitching for more. No. No, not yet. He closes his palm, letting only his index finger jut out and trace the opening of his urethra, down to the underside of his glans, down his shaft.

He tingles with arousal, pulling away and making another loose ring to enter.

“Nn.”

Instead of completely removing his hand, he wraps more of his fingers around, increasing the tightness as he drags upward. “ Hah…” He repeats the motion, spare hand sneaking up his shirt and gliding across his abdomen as he does. Yes, that feels-

“Shuuu~” Rei swings the door open and nudges it closed with a kick. Shu’s hand stills. Rei strides in, turning his head from the door to find Shu on his bed. “I just wanted to-”

Shu’s head jerks to look at Rei, a few paces from the door, absolutely silent.

It’s that look. The shock, the disappointment, next comes the disgust, then the scolding. Boys shouldn’t be doing this, boys shouldn’t be doing that. Playing with dolls, playing with oneself- It was one and the same for them. His stomach plummets. His heart races faster, the space in his chest constricts, his eyes sting, a sharpness stabs his lungs when he forces shallow breaths.

“Hey…” Rei says gently. “It’s oka-”

“Get out. Get out. Get out, get out, get out.”

He was exploring himself. What was wrong with that?

Rei raises his hands defensively. “Shu-”

“Out!” Shu snaps his head to scan the bed, the nightstand, the desk. He reaches, unthinking, and ends up throwing one of his pillows at Rei. “Get out!”

He didn’t understand, why didn’t they leave him be?

Rei dodges, taking a step sideways. “Whoa! Shu, really, it’s-”

Was it so wrong of him to tear up from those harsh tones?

A book misses. Slam, thud. Another pillow shoots through the air, hitting Rei’s chest. A tissue box gets dented. Tink, tink, pencils and pens whistle in flight—clack, clack!

Seeing him cry, Grandfather-

“It’s okay!”

Shu strangles the neck of a desk lamp, yanking the cord out of the wall.

Just leave him be!

Bang! Thud, rattle. “It’s normal!”

“It’s not! Get out!” Shu rushes at him, blurry eyed, stooping to grab the seat of a short black stool. He shoves the backside of the chair against Rei’s chest, legs jutting between his torso and arms. “Go!”

The momentum of his charge and Rei backing off earlier than expected makes Shu fall forward, dropping the chair and landing on a knee. His pant leg tightens around his thigh, threatening to shrug off his hip.

“H-Hey, are you alright?”

Hands land on his shoulders. The arch of his foot propels him back up into a stand, nearly head-butting Rei’s chin. He stumbles over the chair before his hands plant against Rei’s chest, dislodging the hold he has on him. He shoves, he shoves, and he shoves, and he scrunches his face as he sobs, “Go!”

Thud! Rei’s back crashes into the room’s door, and his chest receives the weight of Shu’s forehead landing against it.

“Go…!”

Shu’s fingers tremble, bunching Rei’s shirt. The fabric irritates his eyes as he dampens it, blinking. The familiar smell of him is noxious and yet- 

He inhales shakily. “Just… go.”

His heartbeat coursing through his ears is thunderous in the silence following. He feels the man raise his arms and hover over him, unsure where and if to touch.

But Rei eventually brings his hands up to overlap them over Shu’s wrists. “Okay,” he says softly. “I’ll go.”

The wrinkles on his shirt fade, and the color returns to Shu’s knuckles. Rei squeezes him gently before lowering their hands, and finally, he peels himself away from Shu, who steps back and lets him open the door. He rotates the knob fully, making a soft rattle as he releases his grip gradually.

Shu leans forward, head hitting the dark material of the door. His hair scrapes as he turns against it, and with his back pressed, he slides down onto the floor, hugging his knees. Vaguely, he yearns for the fabric of a certain blanket.

…Sniff.  

He never should have entertained the thought of allowing himself such a moment. He should have let himself calm down naturally, instead of doing something so unnecessary. Foolish. How foolish of him. When it comes to sex, at the very least, he could assist in relieving his partners of their libido, but here, here he was doing nothing but indulging in a hedonistic desire that benefits no one but himself. Foolish!

He lifts his head from his kneecaps, feeling that his sinuses are still simultaneously stuffy and unaware that he is not drowning. His hands are covered in cold sweat, mildly shaking and left with the ghost of adrenaline when he lifts them next, staring blankly at his palms. It’s dizzying to take his attention away from them, and look around the room, but the location slowly grows familiar again with each object he counts, each color he catalogues.

He breathes, allowing himself to grow sure of his ability to stand before actually attempting.

Rei.

He turns around to look at the door.

It seems so dream-like, but the violent images of what transpired return, and in not a single moment, does he recall the shape of features on Rei—especially not when he left him at his request. He would not fault him for being angry at his outburst; what he did was deplorable towards someone he loves.

He fixes and tucks himself back into his pants, squeezing his eyes as he does so, and he returns to the nightstand of his bed, misusing a small bottle of hand sanitizer clearly intended for traveling, then walks back to the door. Rei has most likely left by now, but he intends to find and make amends to him for his hostile behavior. 

Taking a breath, he places his hand on the doorknob, pulling it open and nearly kicking a crouching person.

“Wh- R-Rei?”

Rei cranes his neck to look back up at him. “Oh, hey.” He stands, turning to fully face him. “Um…” He scratches the back of his neck before raising his arm to lightly tap near the edge of the door with his knuckles. “Can I come in?”

Shu stares, embarrassment returning for a moment, before he opens the door wider and steps back inside for Rei. He hears him lock the door with a resounding click, click—a sound he should have remembered hearing in the first place—as he turns back around.

Rei opens his mouth, but Shu is the first to speak.

“I’m sorry.”

Rei looks confused.

“Don’t be. I walked in on you, I’m the one who should be sorry.”

Shu purses his lips, looking down. “The amount of things I threw- The chair. I could have seriously injured you.”

“You didn’t though.”

Shu continues to look between the wooden panels on the floor.

“…Well, I lie.”

Shu’s heart sinks, snapping his head to look back up Rei, and scan for any injury on his face that he missed.

Rei only smiles, grabbing his hand and guiding it to his chest. “That pillow awfully hurt.”

Shu blinks in worry before the message fully processes, then he lightly furrows his brows, frowning.

“I think a hug might make it feel better?”

The muscles on Shu’s face ease and his gaze finds itself on the floor again, but he administers the first aid, slipping in between Rei’s arms and wrapping his arms around his back snugly.

His own back is wrapped in arms, patted and soothed with a gentle circular motion. The feeling of tears almost returns to him, but he staves it off with a deep inhale of Rei’s shirt. It’s no longer noxious; the cool, menthol-like scent pierces through and clears him of his stuffiness, opening his airways once more. 

He’s not sure how long they stay like that, but his body feels lighter when he begins to withdraw, with Rei’s lingering embrace lightening as well.

“Better?”

He stares at Rei’s face, then he nods, fully pulling away from him. He takes a moment to glance around at the room, sighing, then walks into the dorm’s bathroom and emerges with a container of disinfectant wipes. He sets it on the coffee table after he takes one out with a flick of his wrist. Walking past Rei, to where his desk lamp landed and lays partially chipped in its abuse, he stands it up, gently cleaning the neck of it.

He hears a few steps, another wipe being taken from the container, then a few more steps off to the side of him, where he sees a poor hardcover book splayed out, pages facing downward.

With Rei’s help, most of the items Shu had thrown get their wipe down. After Rei reunites the pens and pencils into their holder with their lone sibling, he plucks his pillows off from the floor and returns them to Shu’s bed while Shu uprights, cleans, and returns the chair to its rightful place. And after putting the container of wipes back in the bathroom, Shu sees Rei, sitting on his bed.

Feeling the threat of embarrassment creeping up his neck, Shu opts to sit in one of the chairs near the table, facing him.

“You know, if it makes a difference, there wasn’t anything I saw I didn’t already know about.”

Shu knows it’s an attempt to console him further, and he has a point, but-

“You could just continue, and I could just watch you do your thing.”

Shu sputters. “You want to what? ”

“Watch.” Rei says without a speck of shame. “You didn’t get to finish did you? I don’t want to take that from you.”

“I’m- My body has already calmed itself, I don’t need to finish.”

“But keeping it in can’t be good in the long run.”

“Even if that were true, I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it.” Shu huffs. “Why did you come to see me in the first place? Is there something you need?”

Rei leans a little more on his arm, mattress slightly dipping and hair delicately falling from its draping form. “Do I need a reason to want to see you?”

Shu stares.

“I simply had some free time I wanted to kill with one of my loves. I found myself wanting to hold you.”

Blushing, Shu suddenly finds maintaining eye contact a tad intense to keep. “I-Intimately?”

“…Intimately, chastely, either.”

Damn that soft rumble of his voice—the way it teeters between restrained passion and innocent coziness. Shu peeks to discern any lingering flirtations present on his features, but he cannot tell from that soft smile of his.

Rei pats the spot next to him. “It’d be hard to do either when you’re way over there. Unless you don’t want to?”

Swallowing, Shu lingers in his seat, rocking more of his body weight off of the heels of his feet. He exhales through his nose, following through and getting up. “If it’s intimacy you want…” 

“I said either works.” Rei chuckles. “You were the one who suggested it first.”

The bed cushions Shu as he settles in. “I did no such thing. That was the impression I got from that explanation of yours—wanting to hold me, that is.”

“That doesn’t change the fact it’s on your mind.” Rei brushes his hand over his. “If you’re open to being intimate with me, is it really different from being intimate with yourself while I’m present?”

“Y-You’re still on about that? What would you even get out of it?”

“Well, for one, seeing you feel good is pleasurable in and of itself. Sometimes sitting back and watching is preferable to taking an active role.”

Shu purses his lips.

His shoulder becomes a place of rest for Rei’s head. “Or we can stay like this, and chat all the while.”

Shu takes a breath. “…you don’t…” he finds himself muttering before his mind catches up. If it’s for Rei…

“Hm?” Rei lifts his head and leans closer to his face.

“If… you don’t face me.”

“Fufu.” Rei scoots himself further inside of the bed until he can comfortably wrap his legs around the sides of him, hugging him from behind. “So like this then~?”

“That would suffice, yes,” Shu says. “And- And not a peep out of you either.”

Rei hums, amused. “Alright.” From his side, Shu feels Rei making a movement to pinch near the side of his mouth and drag a phantom zipper across his lips.

“Okay,” Shu huffs.

He inhales, half-heartedly tugging his clothes down and moving his hand toward his crotch.

This is a performance; it’s for Rei’s sake, so it’s not as selfish…

The feeling from earlier waxes. It prickles his chest and burns his cheeks. When he holds himself in his hand, he takes another inhale, a little startled when he involuntarily takes more breath than he wanted to.

He thumbs his head, ignoring the flare of warmth welling in his face. He’s flaccid, unlike earlier, making it possible to manipulate his foreskin in a pleasurable way. It usually amps the cognitive awareness of the area, except he’s not particularly feeling the effects currently—which is an issue if he needs to be erect for Rei.

He tugs himself, trying to breathe life into it, in what he hopes is an erotic enough display for a sad, limp appendage.

“…Shu?”

He blinks, aware again. “Wh-What is it?”

“Sorry, I know you said not to speak, but…”

No, it’s almost reassuring, hearing him again.

“You don’t need to force it.”

“You said you wanted to watch.”

“I did. And I want to watch how you do it, how you make it feel good for you. Not what you think might look good.”

“I just-" Shu sighs. “I suppose I need to get situated again.”

Rei rests more of his chin in the nook of Shu’s shoulder and neck, hugging him closer. “Well, for me…”

He unwraps one of his arms around Shu’s waist, bringing a hand down his thigh and stroking. “If I’m not pressed for time, I like to stroke here while thinking about all sorts of things.”

Rei’s voice is low, and though Shu can’t see him from their positions, he can feel the small smile adorning his lips, like he’s describing a fond childhood memory and not something that leads to debauchery.

Whether it’s the quality of his voice, or the familiarness of it, Shu finds his shoulders relaxing.

“I would imagine Kanata’s hands.” Rei’s straightforward stroking transitions to side-to-side motions. His fingers sift through his exposed skin as if sand, advancing and receding up and down his thigh like the ebb and flow of an ocean’s tides.

“Maybe Wataru’s.” The current takes his hand further up his body, washing him up on his hip bone where he lingers and where his thumb begins to trace small circles. Rei’s breath is warm against him as he exhales through his nose.

“Or maybe I’d think of our boy’s.” He lifts his hand, leaving only the tip of his index finger on his skin, lightly dragging the back of his nail down his thigh and tapering the pressure until he’s fully off. The motion repeats, tapering off in the opposite direction.

“Or maybe even…” Rei unwraps his other arm. His hands caress the sides of his legs, delicately tracing their silhouettes. “Yours.”

A warmth begins to fill Shu’s face again, and it isn’t the unpleasant kind.

Shu closes his eyes, letting Rei continue to stroke him. He’s grazed with a light touch that grows firmer as Rei goes. It’s a tendency that he doesn’t realize—a small preference of his own touch, before adjusting to what Rei usually likes. 

Rei’s laugh is soft, a series of hot puffs against his neck. “Look.”

He’s perking up.

“See? You’re capable of it.” Rei pecks him on the cheek. “I’ll shut up now too.”

When that last syllable leaves Rei’s lips, a pit of anxiety starts to well and Shu finds himself wanting that voice to continue.

“No- I mean, forget what I requested earlier. If you wish to share your thoughts, you may.”

“You want me to speak?”

“The silence is deafening otherwise,” Shu admits.

“Fufu. Well, that makes it easier for me too,” Rei says. “Now, go on. Show me how you come apart.”

Shu fights a shiver, doing as instructed and resting himself against the curves of his fingers, the support of his thumb.

Whether it’s Rei’s or his own, he feels the increase of a heartbeat, pounding against his chest. It makes him feel warm, almost as warm as that heated breath next to his ear. He drags downwards at the same time as that reflexive swallow of Rei’s.

He lingers at his base, foreskin taut, and the tingling sensation of arousal fluttering with each pulse returns. Ah- He anticipates it, as his gaze lowers on the arms around him, that low rumble again. But it doesn’t come when he thinks; he enjoys it, desire suspended like the expectation of his.

But a few more pulses and it does: “How long do you stay like this?”

“ Hah… ” He releases the tension, finding pleasure in the small movement of skin. “As long as I wish…”

He trails a finger down his shaft as Rei asks another question. “Mm? Have you come from that alone?”

Shu grunts. “If I feel particularly…”

He feels Rei adjust the way he sits as he sags more against him. It’s a little breathy, a hint of a moan, when he confirms it. “Oh?”

His torso is warmer than before…

“It’s rare though.” Shu adds another finger to tease his shaft.

He can feel it, Rei’s eyes following the motion closely, as if he were the very finger himself. Shu exhales, rubbing back and forth, upwards against the ridge of his head. There’s another burst of his nerves firing, set off by each quick flick.

“Ah, mm.”

“Some patience you got there…” Rei hums a giggle. “So what were you thinking about anyways? That got you worked up?”

“I wasn’t,” Shu forms a ring with his finger and thumb, shallowly penetrating it, “ hah, thinking of anything really. It was… a dream.”

“What happened in it?”

Shu grunts, loosening the ring around him. “I don’t- remember. Just the vague sensations.”

“Were they like that?”

“No,” Shu breathes. The sensations from earlier return in a thin veil—a cool slickness that caresses the entirety of himself against the friction of his digits. He twitches, finding the boundary of reality and dream melting as more fingers wrap around him, warmly. 

“Faster then?” It’s that moan-like breathiness again. “You fucked into something hard, rutting against it, like the humans- the animals we ultimately are?”

With each rhythm of meaning uttered, Shu’s hand pumps quicker. He pants, “I said I don’t, nn, remember, you idiot.”

It’s familiar, the way he composes his next line, the way it draws him in like a song of seduction. It urges him to sink deeper—his hand hitting the base of his shaft with an obscene slick. “It seems your body remembers. You want more don’t you?”

Shu moans, leaning his head back. The warmth in his gut radiates outwards with each exhale, each stroke. It’s so noisy, but the sound- The sound is erotic…

“M-More.”

“Mm, more?” Rei whispers. “It’s all you.”

And then it crashes upon him.

Shu gasps, having only a quarter of his mind to stroke upwards and cup himself around the head, bucking upward and squirming back into Rei’s torso. “Ah! Hnngh!” He whimpers weakly, letting those pulses of pleasure pump against his contractions, finally culminating in the pool against his palm.

He breathes, woozy and about to fall over, but belatedly realizes it’s Rei leaning them forward.

There’s the sound of flimsy and dainty paper scraping the sides of a plastic film and then it drapes over his hand. He squints his eyes open, relaxing his hand. “Mm…”

Rei unwraps himself from him, moving to stand in front of him, and like earlier, he's silent as he cleans him up, dabbing gently and wiping him and his hand clean of the mess he made.

Shu takes a sharp inhale. His eyes burn again as a pang of feeling comes after his heart. “Nn-”

“Shu? What’s wrong?” 

“Sorry, I don’t- I don’t know what’s b-become of me.” He accepts another clean offering of tissue, clumping it against his tears with his other hand.

“It just felt really good, didn’t it?”

“It-" Shu looks up after taking another inhale, more controlled. It’s that look of Rei’s, one filled with nothing but adoration and love. He replies, breathlessly. “Yes… Yes, it did.”

“Thank you for showing me.” Rei kisses him, then he helps tuck him back inside of his pants after wiping the last of his spend.

Shu’s gaze trails downward and then he notices it.

“Oh, you’re…”

“It’s fine.” Rei sits and catches Shu’s lingering hand, interlacing their fingers and lowering them down on the mattress—but not before he bestows a small kiss. “Watching what you did today is already enough.”

Once his breaths calm, Shu breaches the topic again. “…Still, walking around like that-“

Rei chuckles boisterously. “Oh you won’t have to worry. I’ll be going to the biggest boner-killing event very shortly.”

Shu blinks.

“Nothing is more drier and unstimulating than attending one of The Summit meetings and listening to old men, much older than me, drone on and on…” A moment of dreadful acceptance of Rei’s near future reflects in his eyes.

“Ah.” Shu has also occasionally seen CosPro’s Deputy Director scuttle about with many, many documents and electronics in hand before, when there was a meeting due. He, too, looked a little weary at times. “My condolences.”

“It’s alright, I do manage to get a good amount of rest too.”

Shu’s mouth opens, then closes, then opens once more. “As a RhythLin representative, I think you might want to be a little more cognizant.”

“Haha, you might be right. Even Hasumi-kun looked like he wanted to say something the last time.” Rei shrugs, stretching. He considers standing, but then asks, “Do you need help packing?”

“Go to your meeting.”